Hey guys! Long time no talk! Sorry I have been so down and out on the blog scene. But if you follow me on Instagram you would see I recently go engaged and I am most defiantly immensely happy. Hence, when I asked what you all what to hear about in my up coming blog they were all around Nick and our love story, wedding planning, engaged life and love in general! But the one message I received and which I feel so very pressing is about my life when I was single, about my fears I had when I was single – my last ‘hoorah’ of a single girl message before I dig my nails into a engaged blog post!
So here we go –
The question read – “I want to know about your life when you were single, about your fears in single life and how different your life is now you are engaged.”
My answer (in a long winded blog post approach!)-
Being single will forever be some of the best days of my life – don’t be scared, what is there to be scared of? Embrace the time as much as you can, because one day someone is going to come into your life and just like that you will wake up a different person.
You see the most popular response my mother gets when she tells people her 21 year old daughter recently got engaged “don’t you think she is too young”, why am I too young? I have travelled, I have had a career some try their lives to have, I have studied, moved away from my hometown and jammed as much as I possibly can into my adolescence as I could. I can promise you with all my heart you will never hear the words “you are too young” or “live your life first” fall from my mouth, everyone has different ideas of how life should be lived, no one has the right to cast their judgement across that. Being single was marvellous, being in love is unreal.
My single life is the complete opposite of my life now, but I would never go back a little sooner and meet Nick a little earlier. You know the quote “I wish I met you sooner so I could have loved you longer”? Well I don’t believe that’s true, I have always loved Nick. From the moment I knew what love was I have loved him. He may not have been present in my life, I didn’t know his name or anything about his personality but I knew there was someone out there who fit my soul like Cinderellas slipper. I met Nick when I had to, he came into my life when he was suppose to and everyday in the lead up was merely practise to how I wanted to be loved and how I will love someone.
I have a friend who has recently become single, she spent so much of her time devoting her life to a love she was not sure about, one day she woke up and thought this wasn’t the direction she wanted her life to go in and this was not the person she wanted to be. She felt as though she didn’t get the practise of self love and single minded day to day routine that shapes you into a familiar soul. So she woke up and decided to be single, she disregarded the direction that people had hoped and wished she’d gone in for the fear she may not get to live her life to the fullest and find out just what she is capable of. These days she beams a happiness that would blind the stars, every day she sheds a layer of herself we have never seen, she moves closer to the person she now wants to be, but you know what is the most beautiful thing yet? She understands that one day someone will walk into her life and the next day she’ll be someone else, but when that time comes she will be ready, emotionally and physically ready to except love in it’s entirety.
And her partner you ask? He found a love that makes people on the streets ooze a “awwww” and his heart pumped the fullest it ever has, his in love and at the time of his split with my friend he feared he’d never love again. But a few months later someone walked in, by luck and aimless fate they shook hands and sparks flew and a love begun that pushed a happy future for two souls who feared they’d never find love. How silly to think they wouldn’t find it?!
Being single should not be so daunting, people should not crave a boyfriend/girlfriend. We should learn to love ourselves before we love someone someone else, single is a skill we all need to learn to be the best version of ourselves.
My life consisted of friends, travel, study – I discovered I don’t like seafood, I don’t particularly like international travel and have an undesirable need to have children, you know how I worked that out? By being single and stepping out of a comfort zone. Confidence in being alone gives you confidence to shake the good from the bad like a salt shaker. I love catching up with my friends and hearing about their single antics, I love hearing about the places they discovered and the love interests in their life, I don’t ever miss it but I love indulging in their carefree years with them as we sip our coffee. I smile and nod and ask questions, for they know they need to live right now to the fullest and learn every little thing they can because who knows, a man may walk into their life who lives in the UK and wants to sweep them off their feet and live their for their entirety.
Those same friends sit there with me, smile and nod and ask an abundance of questions about my upcoming wedding and the love I have found. They bathe in the warmth my heart has created and they sit bitterness as they know one day it will happen for them, the same unpredictable way it did me.
It was funny yesterday I watched snapchats of my friends at a drunken Wednesday uni night, drunken antics played over and over again. I watched these snapchats while I was listening to Nick sing in the kitchen and a business proposal sat infant of me on the laptop. It made me think about my time before Nick, I wish I relished in it more. I wish I didn’t sweat the small stuff, that the drinks were a little stronger and the nights were a little longer. Maybe if I knew my soulmate was going to walk into my life at 19 I would have always said yes to dinner with friends, I would have told them how much I valued our friendships and I would have smothered them in love. Because Nick walked in and I woke up a different woman and a new version of me began to grow and why my life has never been so different I have never been more me then I am right now.
So here is my final message about being single:
It’s not scary, don’t let society try to tell you that it is. It’s your time to find yourself, to truely find your likes and dislikes, to find out what makes your heart beat fast and what makes your eyes roll in annoyance. Stop looking for Mr Right, he will walk in when the time is right, trust fate and enjoy the ride to meeting him. Your kids are going to ask one day “what was life like before dad/mum?” and you want to tell them you were transforming into a woman that fell when the time was right and lived a life that was only enhanced when you met. Don’t let them believe you sat in the corner and waited, that you weren’t quite ready and second guessed for years.
Fall in love with yourself, then you’ll find the rest follows…