THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK – A MUST!

You see there is something that has been running through my head lately, something I cant seem to shake and I cant understand why, well bits of why I can gather and I know where the seed of thought was planted.

The other day I was talking to my friend about Christmas traditions and, now that I don’t live with my family and I am well past the age of waking at 5 am to Santa’s presents on the end of my bed, followed by a rush to wake my sleeping and most defiantly hungover sisters.

This Christmas I will wake beside my partner and we will kick the day off, just us two.

So when this conversation continued she quizzed me about the excitedment I must be feeling that I am in charge of the running of Christmas withing four walls and that the home I create will be a basis for the family I will create,  now while that seems like an in depth thought to talk about and why it got me thinking about thinking before opening ones mouth I am still yet to work that out.

While I have been working on  a post  the apple falling far from this tree and at other times falling right at the trunk, within this post I will talk about it a lot in an evident approach to get to my point.

Something I need to be cautious of and something I am certainty practicing more of is thinking before I open, while this skill nearly needs a class when it comes to practicing after a bottle of wine and all that work gets thrown out the window after one class, I need to start mulling the words over in my head like a desperately busy bread machine needing and prepared the  fine baked bread.

This is why I am practicing this – everyone around you is listening to what you say, they want to learn and absorb your essence and bathe in your words like a 10 day camping trip with no hot water.

It’s true, I am constantly taking note of what people are saying, sifting it in my brain under, ‘good characteristic and life lesson’ and ‘no not for me and where I want to go’, even when I overhear people talk, I am under the understanding a lot of people do this, they sift through peoples words to create what they want to create and shape it in the way they wish.

Now when I was in school and I would go around to a friends after school I would watch how my friends behavior strongly resembled their parents  and that their makings into who they are have been molded by their parents, while some children are rebellions of the pack and these concepts don’t apply to their wayward nature it is still evident within home-lines.

Sometimes when I talk my mothers words come out, other times they are my fathers words bursting from my lips and lately I have been becoming more and more cautious of that ensuring I break from the bonds and become my own person and their views and mindfulness does not inflict upon the person I want to be and other things they say or do I take no and remember to use it when the opportunity arises, just like I do everyone I sift into my categories.

Those girls at school who looked upon their body with a ‘I am fat’ where makings of parents who said ‘I am fat’ and those boys who would call a girl fat are makings of parents who said ‘I am fat’ and this cycle of unintentional impulsive words have inflicted people around you with the belief that it is ok to think that and say that, now while it seems pretty far fetched the more you think about it and riddle those words from your mouth the more raw and true it seems.

Even when children are little and than grow up you will realise that the things you say come out of their mouth and your actions become your children’s.

I hated it, utterly hated it that girls in year 10 right beside me where so ashamed of the way they looked and if people thought before they spoke and that maybe those girls wouldn’t feel that way.

I am guilty of it, I was the biggest impulsive talker, constantly opening my mouth an wearing the consequences after and if I could take that time back I would. No one deserved to wear my judgement that I hadn’t fully mulled through, nor do they deserve to feel that way due to the words of someone who was yet to learn.

I remember things my mother said when I was 5, so you bet I will remember things that were said when I was 18.

So after my chat with a friend about Christmas traditions here is what I have learnt, my Santa presents will be left under the tree and not at the end of the bed, elf on a shelf will be a goer, local Christmas Carols will be attended and I will damn well think before I open my mouth and create children that will be sufficiently guided into doing the same.

I know they say the best parent is a parent with no children, which I guess is true, maybe when I have children my big mouth will be uncontrollable, but I will be damned if I don’t try.

Think before you speak, everyone is trying to be a better person, be a good influence.

 

 

Juxtaposition of emotion

Juxtaposition definition: the fact of two things being seen or placed close together with contrasting effect.

I read this post recently on Instagram, now while he is one of my all time favourite people I may seem a bit bias in my complete and utter passion towards every word he has written.

Dale Partridge took to social media with this ground breaking piece –

“Men, if your wife is breaking down it’s important to comfort her in the moment. But it’s not sufficient. A wife breaking down is a sign that you’re not paying attention to the days and weeks prior. While it might seem like our brides go from totally fine to totally not, it’s simply not true. Husbands, it’s our job to be a student of our wives. To recognize when she needs rest, to notice when she needs encouragement, and to sense when she needs romance. Attentiveness is one of the greatest ways to show your love for her. A Godly man will still fail from time to time. However, if the frequency of dramatic moments in your marriage isn’t decreasing then you’re not intentionally studying the woman in front of you.”

While his words were so utterly correct it automatically triggered a contrasting response within me, and here is why. An old colleague of mine, one of the most amazing women I have ever met once said to me ” I try not to get angry or tell people when what they have said hurt me, why should I? It is my fault I have that reaction not them, I shouldn’t make someone feel guilty for something they didn’t intentionally mean.”

I guess after I heard those words of hers I tired harder not to push good will upon people, in fact in takes a number of people to make the world go round. The loud, the honest, the rude and the nice and if it wasn’t for her words I would still be wondering why everyone can’t be dandy, but I also wondered if I was overacting upon every little offset I have ever had and if in fact I was a hypochondriac and take one hell of a chill pill on the push to only surround myself around people who make me feel good.

It is fair to say I didn’t take that chill pill and kept writing about it, in fact it probably made me write more, for no one should deserve to feel like someone else’s rudeness can b easily absorbed by everyone, because it cant and in fact we are all different, yes it takes a number of people to make the world go around but those people who are loud, should learn to be quiet, those people who are rude should know when to pipe down and those people who are nice are mean in some minor form.

That is what has got me here and if there is a few things I am sure about at the ‘mouldable’ age of 20, I never forgive people, I nearly almost always overact and I am far too emotional. But I am aware of that and I can work on that, just like people who are rude can learn when their words sting upon another or a loud person can tell when their presence is known. People change, well I hope they do.

Now while Dale’s post was about marriage and supporting a healthy marriage it still seemed to appeal with anyone in a relationship among the comments as well as people just wanting to make sense of their own head.

So those two juxtaposed ideas of how to handle emotion, not who is to blame but who is there to help and to recognise signs of someone else’s downward spiral. I guess I have always tried to palm off my feelings, I always wanted a reason to feel the way I have in the past. But I guess in the end it was solely me who felt that way and the reason why was again, on me.

This is where I have got to with them two ideas, you see emotions re triggered by a number of things and I do believe people need to know when they are affecting that, however overreaction is a fine line to be monitored.

I think the appeal to Dale’s post was more about having someone who knew you better than you know yourself, having someone who thought of you before themselves and the emotions you are having and because who wouldn’t love someone to understand what you are feeling and why, especially when you cant put a label on it yourself.

The appeal to my old colleagues comment was maybe we are in complete control of ourselves, maybe one day we can all climb upon the mountain we have been climbing and decide which way to head next.

Here is a Bridie Edwards middle ground of blame “You tell who you need to tell about what you want to tell, life is too short to carry emotion all on your own, if your lucky enough to find someone who knows you better than you know yourself than you ask them why and you ask them what you want to ask.”

If you haven’t already liked Dale Partridge on every form of social media I suggest you do.

Bird. x

Just because you give does not mean you receive

Happiness is funny, you can have all the happiness in the world but still have the ability to find something wrong, I haven’t found anything wrong but I do feel strongly about this post so excuse me if a biast opinion portrays itself upon my wording.

You gotta give a little to get a little, but do you really? Dad always tought me that if you go and make other people happy then you just might find a little piece of that happiness will rub off and in turn, make you happy. That’s true and everyone should have no stronger instinct than to make someone happy, although there comes a time when you expect something in return, now dad would tell me that is a selfish thought to have. That expectations are the killer of the minority.

Maybe that is why relationships fail? Because of expectations. I remember one night I was up having a conversation with my brother on the phone and he said five little words that linger in my head everyday “don’t expect anything from anyone” and I get that now, I half believe a key to happiness is learning to never expect anything in return, not because you are undeserving but because are humble within yourself.

And I will admit nearly everyday I have to remind myself not to expect anything, that just because I did something good does not make me deserving of something great.

When I say give some to get some  I am not talking about baked bread put upon ones doorstep but the whole hearted dedication of valuable time and unrecognised sympathy is put in an unasked situation.

I have always been like dad, got giddys off making other people happy, absolutely bathing in the moment of recognition for hard word. But lately it is like something has clicked inside me and I wonder if all that giving my father has given out will one day find itself back to him and lay itself upon his conscious and for once he may accept some back.

Or if in reality I do in fact give in the hope of return? Which I hope is not true for my guilty mind would not rest until I worked out why I hold expectations that don’t need to evolve.

So I guess that is what I am getting at, this world needs more Richard Ian Edwards, so than a cycle begins, people give and give and no one ever expects anything in return as they are already receiving those return benefits from other Richard Ian’s of the world.

Funny hah? That I can say that yet I am still trying to work out why I expect things.

I am still yet to work out if I am soley a Richard Ian of the world, but for my sake I hope the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, you see I have been lucky in my life, I have recieved from the people around me.

There are two different definitions of success and the realisation that “I have made it”, well two that I believe – Some people judge it by their career and the objects and cash flow that floods their life, others judge it upon the contentment that settles upon their stomach causing a warm wash upon inner peace and a sigh of relief.

Give, give, give and then you give some more! That is the way this life should work. Want to be happy? Then dont expect anything.

Be a Richard Ian Edwards and give till you can’t possible give anymore, relish in the love receive from that giving and never expect anything in return.