THE HARD CHOICE

This post comes after a conversation with Nick last night. After the past few sleepless nights, root canal and a few future choices that lay on my chest at the moment it’s fair to say I was a little emotionally tender. Anyway,  I asked if he was proud of me, I don’t know why I asked the question or why I felt it needed justifying but this was his reply.

“Brides I am proud of the person you are, not the career you have chosen.”

Ever since the words left his mouth I wondered two things:

  1. How did I get so lucky to have an emotionally stable man like him?
  2. Why didn’t I know that already?

For someone who looks for every hidden message in anything and likes to find the emotional appeal to most situations, it shocks me that I hadn’t read into this sooner.

You see I am only 20, yet I have known for as long as I can remember all I  have wanted from this life was to be one hell of a wife and an even better mother. A career for me would be something to fill in the time between those plans and maybe, potentially something to release a passion I hold so dear. So when I decided to ship off to university it was a decision solely based on the “find out who I am”, yet I already knew, so really it ended up being a year filled with a large amount of goon and meeting unbelievable friends, so I guess to an extent I did find out who I was to a different degree. But I still yearned to be back home and tickle my nieces to hear their giggle or have a dad cuddle that didn’t change. When the opportunity arose for me to become a journalist and remain in a different state to my family I chose to agree, for I did love writing and writing was one of those things that just worked for me, I don’t know how and I don’t know when.

Everyone knew I loved writing from my blogs I started when I was 15,  but putting an official writing title to my name took it to a different level. This level of proudness bestowed upon my parents and a standard of careers began. I remember coming home one weekend and one of my father’s friends said “we are all so proud of you my dear, keep at it” and I know those words were so kind and so sincere but I wondered why they weren’t proud before?

I can’t be one to talk, you see I always wondered why people were happy being the ‘check out chick’ for the entirety of their life, but now I understand. If you find happiness within serving the locals or mowing the local football field then so be it, who am I to say you need more, frankly, I am disappointed that the thought ever crossed my mind and how I could be so ignorant.

So when I confessed to my sister I was thinking of coming home for several reasons, but the main one being because that would make me entirely happy, she said “dont waste your talent as a writer”, so in order to find myself being the writer I am meant to be and being happy, a median I am yet to find.

I beg of you to do what makes you happy, some people spend years studying for a degree they are unsure about. It takes all different kinds of careers to make this world go around and I am so thankful for each and everyone one of you, that pressure that sits upon every indivual when they are asked what they do for a career or what they study at university that daunting lingering feeling that sits upon you before you tell them the answer, and watch their eyebrows raise in a “stupid idiot ” or their smile widen in a “wow you’re a doctor” that’s the feeling that shouldn’t be welcomed. We should be encouraged to do whatever the hell we want to do and be happy with that.

Maybe the height of my career will be a rural journalist or maybe it will be president of god knows what, maybe I will return home and have no career but make a living from selling horse poo on the side of the road,  whatever, I don’t know but I know that whatever I do in the future won’t matter, for I am happy and will continue to be.

If you have a talent, chase it, but only if you love it. In all honestly just be happy and preach that happiness to people.

Nick, you are so damn right and thank you for being proud of the smile on my face and making me feel like my happiness is enough.

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