Today’s Thoughts – Becoming Better

I have been going through this stage where I am debating the “real world”, now I work full time and no longer study a degree that allows me to be surrounded by adolsenct teenagers striving for nothing but a good time and to escape their home town hibernation, I am constantly surrounded by people of different age groups and different life ambitions, all vastly different people and it constantly baffles how some people can evolve to be so utterly mean, so driven by the goals that they forget about the little things along the way and then some people who are so thoughtful in their actions I crave their presence daily.

So this brings me to this weeks blog post, becoming a better version of me. Preaching about taking different people to create a functioning world but also battling to find the words to describe the audacity of some words and actions that people can have.

I called dad today and confessed I was having troubles trying to find the words to describe some people, confessing I don’t understand why people need to be so cruel, why can’t people be nice all the time and this was his reply – “My dear girl, it takes all kind of people to make this world, just accept people the way they are, learn from it, ensure you don’t absorb those traits and everything will be dandy.”

So of course, I blew up in a big emotional babble about understanding the way I feel and why, is it just me who is  over sensitive and other people don’t read into people’s behaviour like I do, if you were to ask one of my friends if I’m over-sensitive, they’d say most definitely but if you were to ask another friend they’d say no, two entirely different people with two entirely different outlooks on like, having different morals, different upbringings that have made them the way they are.

I watch my nieces and nephews grow up, I see my sisters and brothers – as their parents tell them to use their please and thank you’s, I see them get growled at when they don’t reply to a stranger when they get the “Oh what cute little cowboy boots you are wearing” or the “How old are you now love”, but then I also see their parents accept the little people they are becoming- for instance one of my nieces is going through this stage where she screams bloody murder when someone she is unfamiliar with erupts in laughter, my sister has accepted that as a step of growing and that she, of course, won’t always be screaming at laughter, for our sake I hope not anyway. She gives her a hug, kisses her on the head and tells her to take a few deep breaths and soon after that she is okay, so how do parents know that is a step of growing and not a child being rude? I hope for the sake of my future children I become half the parent my siblings are.

Parents are trying their hardest to mould decent people, so where has that line of no longer taking parental advice and becoming your own person came in?

We are here for a good time not a long time, I don’t see the point in being sour, in making others hurt or feel uncomfortable, but who am I to tell people when they are being rude and that the way they are choosing to live is draining, after all, I am just a 20-year-old woman trying to find my feet on this weird unruly pursuit of happiness.

When I was little around the age of 7 I was a sod of a thing, no one could catch me smiling nor could they catch me unattached to one of my parents legs, twirling their hair so it go all caught up around my finger, never replying to the strangers who spoke to me nor knowing how to converse, I remember constantly getting growled at, but then on my days of over sensitivity busting at my little chest I remember the “Brides is just a little shy today”. How did mum know I would grow out of that?

As I got older I watched my dad light up a room when he walked into it, peoples faces would glow and laughter would fill the room making my belly warm and head as clear as a summer morning, so maybe it was then when I started to reply to strangers and smile when I didn’t have to.

My nan and pap were similar to dad, always laughing and cuddling people who looked like they needed it, making anyone who came near them feel welcome, so maybe that is where dad took his approach from, I am most certain he was growled at for not using his please and thank yous, for his elbows on the table and chewing with his mouth open, as those old fashioned values reflected in his parenting to a high degree.

So then I watched my parents raise 10 children and all of us become completely different people, where did that step come in? If we were all raised under the same guideline how did some of us take away different values away and use them today, we all have different approaches to parenting, different approaches to controversial decisions and most of all a different degree of emotional integrity?

I love all my siblings for different reasons, so where did that love stem from, what if I didn’t know them the way I do, I wonder if I would still look at them all in ore for the beautiful creatures they are or I wonder if I would take a step back and wonder why they said that.

Sometimes when I am surrounded by people and a rude remark is made, I wonder where they didn’t learn. Did their parents forget to mention the “if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all” or did they just believe that was ok and people would accept them the way they are?

Sometimes I come across people whose aura makes my chest open and you can’t wipe the smile off my face, others make my eyes fill with tears and shoulders hunch in a fight against myself in order to keep my emotions in check to get me through the introduction.

I have some friends who have no filter in the words they say, others who don’t say anything at all, some friends who can’t justify their actions and some who understand exactly who they are and why.

I have no doubt in my mind I have said things and done things I am not proud of and that sits in the view of some people who now hear my name, but I hope one day the person I become takes away the sting of those words.

I am still trying to work out who I am going to be, I hope everyone is still altering their behaviour to the best of their ability, after all, we are all here searching for a place where we feel welcome and like we have finally found home, so why can’t we be decent people when doing that, why can’t we give time to have a chat at the local bakery about cream buns, smile at strangers who walk past us, keep rude remarks to ourselves and when we do decide to bring new life into the world, teach them to be decent people, just like our parents did.

Have your bad days, by all means, I swear some days my roommates hide in their rooms to avoid my mood swings, but as dad always says, it’s a bad day and not a bad life and as I am getting older and I am getting to know more about myself and who I want to be the mood swings get fewer and the bad days become more minimal.

So as I wrap up today’s thoughts I thought it was important that I also take away the advice that mum reminds me every time I sook, “take people the way they are”, but to also justify in my mind that parts of those people are not who I want to be.


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